Tag Archives: health

Hospital again…..

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so, anyway…. I had a hospital appointment just a few days before going away. The news was not particularly good 😦

lets have a recap –

in January I was given those fantastic words’ you are in remission!’

By March I’d had another scan and told that I had nodules on my lungs, only tiny but they were breast cancer. The oncologist didn’t feel the need to do anything but would keep on monitoring me. I was left feeling a bit confused, not sure if it had spread, did I have secondary breast cancer? I didn’t know and no one seemed to tell me. The only thing was to have another scan, bloods etc and see him again in six months. That was, or at least seemed, a long six months.

So six months later, at the end of September, I saw the onc. The last scan showed signs of breast cancer in my bones and my liver. Yes it has spread. Now I have to have oral chemo, oh, and some bone strengthening injection that can cause something nasty to happen in my jaw! What fun!! So very quickly, before we fly off, I need to have a dental X-ray, and I have been sent home with a little folder and a thermometer!

So today it starts  for real – we got home from Spain last night and today it begins.

The horror for today, and believe me I am terrified, is the oral surgery department at the hospital for a dental check up. Most of my teeth are crowned anyway but the last couple of years, since taking arimidex, my gums have been a real problem. Something that a lot of people seem to suffer whilst taking these tablets, and also after the radiotherapy, I wonder if there is a connection?

After today, I get one day off, and then I’m off to the hospital again to start the chemo.

Not a happy bunny…..

 

 

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Not mush room in ‘ere…..

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Thought I’d share another of my makes with you.

I’m not sure if I’ve told you before but I belong to a local knitting group where a throng of like minded ladies get together and knit all kinds of things for charities – hats and gloves that go to homeless people or people in cold countries, blankets for neo natal units at the hospital or even animal shelters etc etc. We also knit things to raise money for the fantastic palliative care centre that has helped all of us get through bad times at some stage or another, they are always there with a cup of tea and a hug – I know I have been very glad for them at times. They definitely got me through my worst moments.

Anyway at the moment we are getting together a flower garden to go on display and (hopefully) raise funds for the centre. This is just one of my contributions, a stand alone mushroom garden

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And a photo of the newspaper article it appeared in

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That it for now, gave a great day

Hugs xx

 

Phew….

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okay, time has flown by again and I’m a bit behind with my posts!

last time I mentioned that I had to have some further tests done. Well these have been carried out and I have been to see the oncologist for the results….

the news was GOOD! Everything was ‘normal’ (whatever that may be!) and I actually got to hear the words ” you are in remission!”

I still have to be monitored etc but that is reassuring to me. Needless to say we did have a little celebration!! Now I just need to find where I put all my energy – I seem to have misplaced it somewhere and I really do need to find it now! X

a lesson in being thankful…..

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Today I was feeling a teensy bit sorry for myself. I seem to be struggling more and more each day with coming to terms with only having one boob. I am having such a lot of problems with getting good fitting undergarments that don’t flash off my silicone all the time.
I’m not too sure that my prosthesis is a good fit either. It seems too wide to me and it kind of collects in a heap in the middle of my chest.
Any way, in order to cheer myself up a bit, I zipped up my hoody right up to my chin and set off to town. I thought I’d get my hair cut, that would do the trick.
I got a walk in appointment with a hairdresser I haven’t met before. A lovely girl.we were chatting away and I told her about my situation and then, just as she was about to start cutting, she threw a bombshell into the conversation……

She had suffered a brain aneurysm three years ago, she was only 29 years old at the time with two very young children, babies really.
The aneurysm caused her to have a stroke. She lost the sight in one eye, couldn’t walk or talk or do anything for herself. She was held in a coma for three months and was in hospital for several more months after that.

With sheer strength of character and determination, three years on she has made an amazing recovery. She is walking, talking and hairdressing as she did before. Her sight is still lost in one eye but you wouldn’t know. She is a true inspiration. She has fought the odds with such courage – and all I’ve got to worry about is the lack of a boob.

Shame on me for feeling such self pity…….Oh, and the haircut is great!

bad night………

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Last night I had a horrid night.

Let’s start from the beginning –

Since my surgery I have been wearing a very thin, soft wrap type of dressing gown. Just a short one…….but a comfy one!

Then last night I thought that perhaps I should start getting back to some sort of normality and so I sorted out my PJ’s…..yes I wear jammies!!!
There the problem started.
I can look at myself naked in the mirror and not feel too bad. I don’t like what I see but I can sort of accept that is just how I am now, it’s just how it is.
However, when I put on my jammie top (which is just a vest top really) I looked RIDICULOUS, no seriously RIDICULOUS.
I looked like a hunch back who’s hunch ‘back’ had migrated to the front! And what is really sad about this is that I preferred the side with no boob. Is that strangely weird? All those years that I could only just fill an A cup bra, and now right when I don’t want it, I am ‘brandishing’ an E cup (but only the one, you understand!!).
And the fact that I really REALLY didn’t like what I saw facing me in the mirror seems to have led on to a night of bad dreams, not surprisingly all about me having one boob and looking ridiculous. I woke up quite upset. Silly really but I was upset by it.

All of a sudden I am scared of facing my reflection, scared of spending a life looking like this. What if I had to go for a stay in hospital? Or if I had to be rescued in the middle of the night for some reason? Or when my granddaughters come for a sleepover?
That is the one that worries me most – my granddaughters. I couldn’t look like this in front of them, nor could I let my own kids see me like this…….and even worse I don’t want my husband seeing me like this.
All this worries me. I thought I was doing well, accepting it all ok……..May be not.

a little nervous…….

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Tomorrow morning I have my appointment with the oncologist. I will find out, hopefully, what further treatments I will be facing. The options are chemotherapy, radiotherapy and /or hormone tablets (probably tamoxifen)

Hubby and me are placing bets on which therapy (or therapies) I will (or maybe will not 🙂 ?) have to have.

I kind of can’t wait but at the same time am a little teensy bit nervous of what they’re gonna say………Wish me luck xx

visitors……

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Yesterday our son and his young lady arrived for a weekend visit. It’s so nice to see them – it has been ages……way too long in fact.

It was nice to catch up. Hubby made us all an Indian for dinner and we went for a drink after. I enjoyed my second or third glass of wine since my mastectomy – it’s nice to be off the pain killers long enough to enjoy a glass, I’m not a great drinker you understand but I do like the occasional tipple!!

On the subject of mastectomy:
I can’t believe this but tomorrow will be six weeks down the line. In one way it seems like only yesterday and then in another way if feels like a lifetime ago. I’m getting way more used to the way I look now. Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and I think ‘what a blooming ridiculous way to look’ and then I think well actually I’m really quite lucky, things could have been a whole lot worse. Just lately I have come across two separate people that have cancer in their face. The treatments and stuff that they are going through is just horrendous, and goodness only knows what they and their families will face at the end of it all. Believe me I have got such a better deal, I can put my clothes on and no one is any the wiser. To the outside world I am just a person, nobody would know that I’ve only got one boob……..it really isn’t that bad.
My healing process is doing amazingly well. I look more ‘well’ in fact than I have done for a while – maybe the cancer did have more of an effect than I realized. My scar is good, the hardness over the muscle is still there but hopefully that will improve with time.
My scar is also very neat. Not having stitches or clips makes for a really neat finish. A tiny little thin line that is pink at the moment but of course that will fade over time. My arm movement is good too. It still pulls a little at times but all very easy to live with. The only effect I do seam to be having is a couple of little twinges down my ribs to my waist and also down the back of my arm towards my elbow. I think these are just nerves that are complaining a little, I expect it will pass with continued exercise. I am also suffering a bit with fatigue. I can go out and about for a while but then I need to rest a while before doing anything else. Again I expect this will pass.
On Wednesday this week I finally get to see the oncologist and hopefully find out what further treatments I may (or may not????) have to have. This appointment has been a long time coming. It’s not that I mind waiting for treatments but I just want to know so that I can plan things. I really can’t wait for Wednesday to come.

lousy day…….

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lousy day…….

Well, I suppose it was bound to happen eventually! I’ve had an absolutely rubbish day.

With ‘him indoors’ back at work, and me on my own 24 – 7 I just have too much time on my own. I’m sure I could cope with the daytime if only he came home in the evening. But he doesn’t. He does ring – several times a day – but it’s not the same is it?
I’d like a little hug and hand holding.

Today, with all this me time I have thought too much and dwelt on things. I have had a bit of a ‘why me’ day and as hard as I have tried I just can’t come up with a ‘why not me’

I’m not happy, and I don’t like it.
The gaping hole between my skin and my bra has been really obvious to me for some reason today. I don’t know why today should be any different to any of the other days but it has. Every time I have looked in the mirror I have had one boob drooping to what seems like my knees (not much support in the post surgery under garment…….a lot of material but not much else!) and the other boob floating somewhere over my shoulder. Not very satisfactory. I hope my proper fake breasticle will be better and hang more like the other one. But I don’t get to find out for a few more weeks yet, I have to wait until my wound is fully healed

On the subject of healing……
My wound is mending well. It pulls in places still but generally it’s ok. The glue is starting to come off in parts which is quite weird. It flakes and catches on the lining of my bra, but at least it doesn’t hurt too much. I was told to keep the skin well moisturised but I don’t particularly like touching it. It feels so flat and hard, which of course it is, after all it is just skin and ribs (and I haven’t felt them for more years than I care to remember!!)
My cold / cough is getting worse. Honestly, I could live without that at the moment.

the next step…………

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Today will be my first day alone.

Husband has been here with me 24 – 7 but now he has to go back to work (he works away from home) I will only be on my own for three days this week but it will seem a whole lot longer I am sure.

We’ve been married for 31 years and we still enjoy each other’s company. I will miss him while he’s gone. But, on a brighter note….

My recovery from surgery is going really very, very well. The weekend has been lovely – I’ve had such a terrific time with the family visiting, and the weather has been kind to us too. We moved 134 miles away from them to have a life at the seaside. That was nearly a year ago now, and although I really do miss seeing them almost daily, I do LOVE living here! I suppose that is quite selfish of me………but that is how it is!
Since living here my health has improved so much, most of my allergies have just disappeared, fibromyalgia is rapidly turning into a distant memory and generally I just simply feel so much better. If we ignore the breast cancer – which, incidentally, the doctors said I’d had growing for ‘well over a year’ so I obviously bought that with me – I wouldn’t change a thing.

I hope I can cope ok for the next few days………at least I have you for company!

The best therapy……..

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The best therapy in the world, ever?

A great big hug from my two granddaughters!

Still with limited body contact though – they have ‘invented’ a hug where they don’t crush you……..bless their little hearts.