Monthly Archives: June 2013

damned pyjamas………

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Before I went to sleep last night I had a little tear (or two) in my eyes. Not a major sobbing session by any means but a little ‘my eyes won’t stop leaking’ kind of thing.

And the same thing happened again this morning.

I really don’t like the new me at all.

All day long my great big bra is uncomfortable. No matter how tight I wear it, it still swizzless round – I assume it is because there is no boob in the way to stop it moving round.
I have to keep on (and on) moving it back….and that is not easy ‘cos it’s so tight.
And because it is soooo tight it gets uncomfortable uncomfortable and painful around my ribs by the end of the day

So I put my pyjamas on…..

And there we have the problem – I look ridiculous. I’ve said this before I know but it’s not getting any better.
I can’t get past this fact and that upsets me too.

I’m ever so glad that I am on anti depressants already. Goodness only knows what kind of sniveling wreck I’d be if I wasn’t on them. I guess that is what holds back the full on sobbing stuff.
Makes me wonder will I ever come off them??. And if I do what on earth will happen??. Reality will really kick in then………I’ll stay on them for a while longer me thinks!!

I feel like I should put a photo on here to prove my point. But I don’t want to offend or shock any one out there.
Oh, what the heck………think I’ll do it anyway. So please look away now if you are easily offended

Scroll down…….

Scroll down……..

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And that isn’t the worst PJ top – tight ones are worse.

I wonder if I’ll always feel like this? I do hope not.

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Cinderella went to the Ball…….

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So the ball was last night.

We had a lovely time……and a jolly good laugh.

And the dress….

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And the shoes……

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Everything worked fine, and I didn’t lose my fake boobicle once!

All round, realty quite pleased. x

summer ball……

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Tonight is the ‘summer ball’ (summer? Ha ha!)

It’s a black tie kind of a doo and the theme is black & white. For quite a while we didn’t know for sure if we would be able to go – it all depended on what treatment I was going to need. But all is ok and we can go.

It has caused me a few problems. All my evening dresses were bought when I had two boobs and didn’t need to wear a ‘suit of humpty back westcoats’ to hold them!

Why do bras suitable for after mastectomy need to be so big and bulky?? Chunky great big heavy straps, cups that are cut right up high into your armpit and yet still don’t hold everything in at the front,
four hooks…..yes FOUR hooks to do up at the back. None of this adds up to comfort.
I could compromise on comfort if there was confidence that my prosthesis was secure. But I don’t have that confidence. It tends to move around a bit and ends up in a heap in the middle. Something is not right.
To try and get round the ‘secure’ issue, yesterday I bought some ‘body tape for curvy girl’s!
I tried it out as soon as I got home and guess what……..I’m ALLERGIC to it!!! Darn it!!!!

Any way, I digress, back to my dress……..
Hubby and I searched the shops. Our check list was:

Wide shoulder straps
High neck
High armholes
And obviously black or white
(and preferably something that can be worn again – we are definitely not loaded!!!!)

We had a list of shops that sold such things and off we went. Into the first shop and there it was….my dress, calling to me, saying buy me.
A beautifully fitted black AND white long dress, I tried it on and Woohoo it fitted. It looked gorgeous – except for the neckline. Cut in a low vee it looked a little daft with my great big, super-deep-in-the-middle bra with a silicone boob sticking out the top of it!

But undeterred I felt sure I could sort that little problem out and Cinderella will be going to the ball.

I won’t put a picture now. But maybe tomorrow x

a little shabby chic………

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This is how it started...

This is how it started…

My hubby came home last week with a couple of little chests of drawers. They had definitely seen better days but he just wanted to put them into his workshop / garage.

Well I’ve looked at them for a week, just sitting there, in the conservatory looking sorry for themselves so today I decided to cheer them up a bit!

This was the result

I had fun with my little bit of upcycling, hope you enjoy seeing it………..hope hubby likes it too!

a lesson in being thankful…..

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Today I was feeling a teensy bit sorry for myself. I seem to be struggling more and more each day with coming to terms with only having one boob. I am having such a lot of problems with getting good fitting undergarments that don’t flash off my silicone all the time.
I’m not too sure that my prosthesis is a good fit either. It seems too wide to me and it kind of collects in a heap in the middle of my chest.
Any way, in order to cheer myself up a bit, I zipped up my hoody right up to my chin and set off to town. I thought I’d get my hair cut, that would do the trick.
I got a walk in appointment with a hairdresser I haven’t met before. A lovely girl.we were chatting away and I told her about my situation and then, just as she was about to start cutting, she threw a bombshell into the conversation……

She had suffered a brain aneurysm three years ago, she was only 29 years old at the time with two very young children, babies really.
The aneurysm caused her to have a stroke. She lost the sight in one eye, couldn’t walk or talk or do anything for herself. She was held in a coma for three months and was in hospital for several more months after that.

With sheer strength of character and determination, three years on she has made an amazing recovery. She is walking, talking and hairdressing as she did before. Her sight is still lost in one eye but you wouldn’t know. She is a true inspiration. She has fought the odds with such courage – and all I’ve got to worry about is the lack of a boob.

Shame on me for feeling such self pity…….Oh, and the haircut is great!

happy anniversary……..

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Today is our one year anniversary of living at the seaside!
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It’s is hard to believe that it’s one whole year since we got the keys to our house here. I am still in awe of the view as you walk down the road and see the sea……I wonder if I’ll ever get bored with it??? Do hope not!

We have met some lovely people here and made some really good friends. Thank you all for making us welcome. Xx

some crochet……..

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The hook has been out again!
This time I decided to make a bag from my stash of yarn. I don’t know what it is about bags but I just love them.
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Not satisfied with just a crochet bag – they can have a few problems after all with things falling through the holes or stretching beyond all recognition – I decided a lining would be necessary.
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One thing led on to another and I started thinking I could have loads in different colour schemes. From there I decided to make the lining as a separate inner bag.
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Made from a light canvas material and with buttons on each side to hold it to the outside crocheted bag and a zippered top I think it turned out pretty well. Now I can just transfer the ‘inner’ to any ‘outer’ that I choose to make.
Also, with my absolute love of things to be adaptable, I made the strap so that it is adjustable with buttons, so it can be made shorter.
What do you think? Did the girl do well? Xx

let’s talk prosthesis ………..

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Last night I went to my monthly support group meeting. A lovely group of ladies who have all been through,or are still going through, breast cancer and its treatments.

I have to say that compared to these brave ladies I feel a little bit like a fraud. Don’t get me wrong here, I know how very lucky I am and I feel blessed that I don’t need any chemo or radiotherapy but at the same time I feel almost like an under achiever!!! I’m not sure I ‘deserve’ my seat with these brave, strong beautiful ladies. For me, a bit of surgery and some tablets for a few years……nothing really is it?
I’m embarrassed to admit that I have struggled on more than one occasion, with coming to terms with stuff – how I look and stuff like that.
But there are ladies out there that have been through all this more than once, have been through chemo more than once, had radio and then had to go through it all again. My heart goes out to all of you ladies …. you are amazing xxx

Back to yesterday’s group meeting – we had a lady from the hospital prosthetic department come in and give us a chat.
It was really interesting. She gave us a bit of a potted history of mastectomy and prosthesis.

Mastectomy has been happening for a long time now but in the early days the ladies were left to sort themselves out, there was no aftercare or prosthesis, they were told to do without or to use cotton wool or to make a bag and fill it with bird seed.

Breast forms came about in the 1940s – they were little bags filled with kapok, not unlike the softies of today.
In the late 40’s an inflatable prosthesis came about. Quite a hard sort of plastic balloon that was blown up through a straw to get the right size! These were good from the size point of view but they had a habit of deflating ……sometimes noisily! They were also a problem for air travellers. The change in air pressure could cause the prosthesis to expand and maybe even explode!!

From there it moved on to a little bag filled with tiny glass beads. Adjustable size wise but rather hard and unpleasant.

In the 60’s the oil filled breast form arrived. These worked well as long as they didn’t leak.
The silicone breast form arrived in the mid 70’s and is improving all the time.
(If any facts or figures here are wrong, wrong please don’t blame me, I’m only going by a fact sheet I was given last night!!)

Speaking of silicone prosthesis – I got mine on Wednesday. Totes amaze-balls!! looks pretty good……even if I do say so myself!

However, I am gobsmacked at how HEAVY it is! It’s fine when being worn but if you take your bra off with it still in it is surprisingly weighty. Apparently it is supposed to be approximately the same weight as breast tissue……..so, maybe my weight gain isn’t down to my big butt after all, yay!!

Right, time for tea me thinks xx