Just returned from the hospital with truly good news!
I don’t need chemotherapy, not do I need radiotherapy. All I need is hormone treatment for five years.
They were also very pleased with how my wound has healed and with how much arm movement I have regained.
YAY! I am so pleased not to mention more than just a little relieved. xx
Last night I had a horrid night.
Let’s start from the beginning –
Since my surgery I have been wearing a very thin, soft wrap type of dressing gown. Just a short one…….but a comfy one!
Then last night I thought that perhaps I should start getting back to some sort of normality and so I sorted out my PJ’s…..yes I wear jammies!!!
There the problem started.
I can look at myself naked in the mirror and not feel too bad. I don’t like what I see but I can sort of accept that is just how I am now, it’s just how it is.
However, when I put on my jammie top (which is just a vest top really) I looked RIDICULOUS, no seriously RIDICULOUS.
I looked like a hunch back who’s hunch ‘back’ had migrated to the front! And what is really sad about this is that I preferred the side with no boob. Is that strangely weird? All those years that I could only just fill an A cup bra, and now right when I don’t want it, I am ‘brandishing’ an E cup (but only the one, you understand!!).
And the fact that I really REALLY didn’t like what I saw facing me in the mirror seems to have led on to a night of bad dreams, not surprisingly all about me having one boob and looking ridiculous. I woke up quite upset. Silly really but I was upset by it.
All of a sudden I am scared of facing my reflection, scared of spending a life looking like this. What if I had to go for a stay in hospital? Or if I had to be rescued in the middle of the night for some reason? Or when my granddaughters come for a sleepover?
That is the one that worries me most – my granddaughters. I couldn’t look like this in front of them, nor could I let my own kids see me like this…….and even worse I don’t want my husband seeing me like this.
All this worries me. I thought I was doing well, accepting it all ok……..May be not.
Tomorrow morning I have my appointment with the oncologist. I will find out, hopefully, what further treatments I will be facing. The options are chemotherapy, radiotherapy and /or hormone tablets (probably tamoxifen)
Hubby and me are placing bets on which therapy (or therapies) I will (or maybe will not 🙂 ?) have to have.
I kind of can’t wait but at the same time am a little teensy bit nervous of what they’re gonna say………Wish me luck xx
Yesterday our son and his young lady arrived for a weekend visit. It’s so nice to see them – it has been ages……way too long in fact.
It was nice to catch up. Hubby made us all an Indian for dinner and we went for a drink after. I enjoyed my second or third glass of wine since my mastectomy – it’s nice to be off the pain killers long enough to enjoy a glass, I’m not a great drinker you understand but I do like the occasional tipple!!
On the subject of mastectomy:
I can’t believe this but tomorrow will be six weeks down the line. In one way it seems like only yesterday and then in another way if feels like a lifetime ago. I’m getting way more used to the way I look now. Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and I think ‘what a blooming ridiculous way to look’ and then I think well actually I’m really quite lucky, things could have been a whole lot worse. Just lately I have come across two separate people that have cancer in their face. The treatments and stuff that they are going through is just horrendous, and goodness only knows what they and their families will face at the end of it all. Believe me I have got such a better deal, I can put my clothes on and no one is any the wiser. To the outside world I am just a person, nobody would know that I’ve only got one boob……..it really isn’t that bad.
My healing process is doing amazingly well. I look more ‘well’ in fact than I have done for a while – maybe the cancer did have more of an effect than I realized. My scar is good, the hardness over the muscle is still there but hopefully that will improve with time.
My scar is also very neat. Not having stitches or clips makes for a really neat finish. A tiny little thin line that is pink at the moment but of course that will fade over time. My arm movement is good too. It still pulls a little at times but all very easy to live with. The only effect I do seam to be having is a couple of little twinges down my ribs to my waist and also down the back of my arm towards my elbow. I think these are just nerves that are complaining a little, I expect it will pass with continued exercise. I am also suffering a bit with fatigue. I can go out and about for a while but then I need to rest a while before doing anything else. Again I expect this will pass.
On Wednesday this week I finally get to see the oncologist and hopefully find out what further treatments I may (or may not????) have to have. This appointment has been a long time coming. It’s not that I mind waiting for treatments but I just want to know so that I can plan things. I really can’t wait for Wednesday to come.
Yesterday I dusted off the sewing machine!
It has been absolutely ages since I did any sewing. So long in fact I wasn’t sure I’d remember how to do it – but it’s like falling off a bike only less painful.
I love nice fabric and Oh! what joy to see pretty colours and beautifully pressed seams……..is that sad or what??
This is what I achieved….
Needless to say I couldn’t make just one – so I made a few in different colours (I just never know when to stop)
I did enjoy it though.
The one big positive to this breast cancer of mine is that, by way of keeping my mind busy, it is making me do things that I haven’t done for a long time….think I’ll do some more (all in the name of therapy you understand!) x
I really should have mentioned this before, and I truly can’t believe I didn’t.
When we went for a walk with our friends on Saturday to the beach, as we walked towards the waters edge we saw something in the sea. As we got nearer we could see what it was…….it was a seal !!!
How cool is that? Just hanging around there looking and watching US!
I love it here.
I decided this morning that I would add a link to my website Vintage Miss Daisy and also my Folksy shop. So I did just that! Not much on them at the moment but I hope that will change soon.
I do wish I was more computer friendly though…….these kinds of things take me so long to sort out, I feel like I’ve done a days work already!!
For the eagle eyed amongst you, you will have noticed that at the moment my website is off line……that is the next step….bear with, bear with! (I just LOVE Miranda!)
Yesterday was a really good day, I really enjoyed my self.
The weather wasn’t terrific but the company was superb. We had some visitors coming from way back where we used to live and they were bringing their dog with them – an 8 year old standard poodle called Pepper. I was looking forward to our poodle meeting him. I don’t know what it is exactly, but standard poodles look gorgeous in their own right but when there is more than one they look even more special. Somehow the end result is more than the sum of the parts of you get what I mean.
Anyhoo, as people that we hadn’t seen for ages were coming I thought a little housework was necessary! Not something that has been overly high on my priority list of late I must admit. I pottered about and did a little light dusting etc and I actually ENJOYED it…..is that a little sad or what?
When our friends arrived we had a good, fun afternoon. The dogs got on really well, with the only problem being my baby thinks every one loves her all the time, she just doesn’t stop and it gets a bit much (I think Pepper would have liked some space bless him). I’m sure she has got the doggy equivalent of ADHD – does any one know if there is such a thing?
I also rather enjoyed a glass of wine,,,,mmm, NICE!
We took the dogs for a walk to the beach where they had a good run around and a dip in the sea – they do love the water you know, but they don’t look any where near as glamorous when they are wet.
Not the best picture in the world but all I could get.
After our friends left we toddled off to our local club where we met up with more friends.
What can I say, we had such a laugh there!
I laughed so much it was starting to hurt – I’m sure I would have burst my stitches if I’d had any, but it was so nice.
It’s so true what they say about laughter being the best medicine.
Thank you peeps for being there and letting us share your company xx
A quick word on the subject of stitches and healing:
My recovery from my mastectomy is doing amazingly well. I don’t have much pain or very often so that is nice. My arm movement and all that is coming along nicely to. I’m sure I’ll write another post on this subject!
Good morning world, how are you today?
I read somewhere once that the optimum time to wake up in the morning is 07:21.
And do you know what? It’s amazing just how often I wake up at that time – which was quite a problem when I was working as I had to leave the house by 07:30!
Just thought I’d share this with you – hope you have a good day.
I am LOVING the crochet just lately…….I just can’t seem to stop……I’m like a thing possessed. Hee hee!
My craft stall is called ‘Vintage Miss Daisy’ and although I haven’t been out and about with it lately it is still in my mind all the time, thinking, planning, making. And today I thought I would make a daisy that I could put in the car.
This is what turned out
So that it would stand up I weighted the ‘body’ with pearl barley (ideally that could have benefited from being put into an old stocking or some such similar so it didn’t fall out through the stitches! Note to self for next time!)